Family dynamics are inherently complicated. The unfortunate reality for one young woman is that her relationship with her mom has never been great. In a recent Reddit post, she admitted she’s hit her breaking point — her mom turned up on her doorstep.
“She refused to work even when we were older. I remember my parents fighting about it. After their divorce, mom remarried almost instantly and relied on her (much older) husband,” she wrote, “who died last year leaving everything for his adult kids and almost nothing for her.”
After kicking her and her siblings out at 18, a mom has turned to her adult children to house her.
“After the death of her second husband, mom moved in with my brother and his wife. She was supposed to look after their kids while they [worked]. This didn’t work out, and they are kicking her out, which is totally my mom’s fault … She was extremely mean to SIL, tried to run their household, acted like the queen, refused to watch the kids full time, which was their original agreement.”
Not only did her mother’s presence in her brother’s household create tension in their marriage, but she also caused physical disturbances to their kids several times – including rashes from leaving diapers unchanged for several hours.
As a parent, anyone who causes harm to your child should immediately be removed from their life, whether it’s a family member or not.
It’s what the couple decided to do; however, now, her daughter wrote, “She wants to move in with [her]… and she’s claiming to help with [her] 2-year-old kid.”
Her brother and sister-in-law housed their mom for several months, but she ‘failed’ to watch the kids and even ‘caused issues’ in their marriage.
Knowing the kind of treatment she got from her mother as a kid, along with the experience her brother shared, she knew that it wouldn’t work out. “After all, she always told us adult children should never live with their parents,” she added, “Yes, we were both kicked out at 18 right after we finished school.”
When she broke the news to her mom that she wouldn’t be allowing her to stay, she said her mom had a meltdown. She cried that she had “nowhere to go” and made accusations of “providing” for her in times of need. Of course, that was her responsibility as a mother — not just to provide shelter, food, and care — but to provide love and companionship, which she failed to do.
“I told her when she kicked me out at 18 and I went to live on my friend’s couch, I worked and eventually rented a room so…that’s what she should do — that’s what everyone else does,” she continued. “She asked me to at least pay her rent until she gets back on her feet. I said, ‘No, you’re a healthy working-age person; you should not be freeloading’ (that’s exactly what she told me).”
Commenters urged her to distance herself because her mother hasn’t done anything to deserve physical or emotional space in her life.
“When a relative calls berating you for not housing your mother, your only response should be, ‘I’m so glad you called and that you’re so concerned. I’ll let Mom know you’ve offered her lodging. Please reach out to her directly to make arrangements,’” one commenter wrote.
It’s absolutely not her responsibility to care for this woman who made her life miserable as a child. She can only point to karma as evidence for her mother’s misfortune now. Without an apology or acknowledgment of the irony of the situation, she was grappling with the reality of simply turning her mom away. Her mom didn’t provide her with a sense of safety, comfort, or even understanding during the most vulnerable time in her life — why should she return the favor?
“I do feel bad about people claiming I’m a bad daughter,” she said, ending the post. “Mainly because my mother was never a model mom herself; she never put her kids first and was generally disinterested in us unless she needed something. I mean, if she were nice, I’d be happy to have her near.”